Advice For Women Dealing with Online Stalkers.
80Conversation With a Lady Friend.
Last night on the web I was having a conversation with a Lady friend that I'm fond of. This particular Lady has felt rather alarmed about a situation that she didn't ask to be in, and it involves a man that she feels threatened by. The situation is sort of scary to me even. It's weirder than I ever had thought that it was. I was doing what I could to help.
This particular Lady friend is quickly turning into a very public figure. She's brilliant, beautiful, and very pleasant to talk to. This sort of problem isn't going to go away for her unless she learns how to be proactive about it. As for her being a public figure-I'm not going to discuss that further, as that wouldn't be a positive thing, and should I provide details. . . . .I'll bet you can figure the rest of it out on your own, can't you?
Jodie and John
Jodie Foster KNOWS How You Feel.
Perhaps the most famous case of a public figure with a male stalker is the case of the beautiful, and very talented Jodie Foster, and the attempted assassination of P.O.T.U.S. Ronald Reagan by John Hinckley Jr.
Looking for pictures of Jodie to import here. . . . .I almost changed my computer's wallpaper. Hey, I just wouldn't be me if I didn't say that, and usually I'd say much more.
Of course the Jodie Foster situation is a very extreme example of many things. She's an extremely public figure, her stalker was extremely insane, and took some very extreme actions in an effort to "impress" her. I think we can all agree to those statements, I consider them facts.
It's also important that I note here that not all victims of online stalkers are women, and that not all stalkers are men. David Letterman comes to mind-and his troubles with female stalkers, but those weren't online-a woman actually broke into his home. That's very scary.
I saw a beautiful woman make a statement the other night that rubbed me very wrong, she'd said something about her not owing every man "with a penis and a dream" a date. Of course she's right-but her particular persecution complex was way out of line. I don't deserve to have webcam hookers constantly sending me friend requests and soliciting me to see their "private pictures" either. We all have our crosses to bear-beautiful women do NOT have a harder life than others, and thinking that they do is a sign of illness for those that think it. I just wanted to clear that up. I am, however, very sensitive to the problems of attractive women. I would like to be sensitive to every type of person's specific problems-if possible.
Male Psychology 101. When Women Shouldn't Feel Guilty.
So my friend said to me, "Todd, I keep going over it in my mind. I don't know what I could have done to encourage this guy!"
I told her, "Look, I understand male psychology better than you, and for obvious reasons. You didn't do anything. You can't be anything but you. For some guys, if you ignore them then they consider you a CHALLENGE, other guys, if you're nice to them at all, then they think that that is ENCOURAGEMENT."
Truly, it's an issue involving more factors than anyone could be aware of-but maturity, and insecurity are the major ones. Ladies, if you are being stalked, then you might have caused it-but I want you to know that if you are being stalked. It does not mean that you encouraged it at all.
Jodie Foster, John Hinckley Jr. and "Taxi Driver."
Proactive Solutions For ALL.
First and foremost, if someone is violating your personal space, or your home-there is no better defense that I know of than a shotgun. Is this scary to you? This is life. The police will NOT get there in time, and you know that is true.
So you don't want to hurt anyone. Nobody in their right mind really wants to harm anyone. Pepper spray is a joke, and if someone is close enough for you to hit them with a taser-then you let them get too close to you. I understand that maybe someone who reads this might live in a repressed country where firearms are not available. I'd advise you to move to a country where the interests are centered on your personal safety, if possible.
If you are a convicted felon and can not legally own a gun-break the law. Laws restricting non violent convicts from owning weapons are in violation of your natural rights as a human being.
TODD!! WE WERE TALKING ABOUT ONLINE ISSUES!!!!!!!
You are right, and I do not apologize. What you need is an IP tracker so that you can find out the Internet protocol address of your stalker, and you also need an IP blocker, so that you can block that address. Sure, there are ways to get around that stuff-but if I brought them up. . .I'd defeat the purpose, wouldn't I?
http://www.soft32.com/Download/free-trial/IP_TRACKER/4-153366-1.html
With the above link you can download an IP tracker-I'm positive that there are dozens of them out there.
http://www.softpedia.com/progDownload/IP-Blocker-Download-75360.html
With the address above you can download an IP blocker. Again, I'm positive that there are dozens of them out there. Read consumer reviews, take your pick. BE PROACTIVE!
Ladies and Gentlemen. . . .we live in tough times, times full of stress, and change that brings more stress. Do NOT become a victim. I hope that this has been useful to someone.
Night Guard Pistols by Smith & Wesson!
- Smith and Wesson Night Guard Pistols - InfoBarrel
Night Guard Pistols by Smith & Wesson, pistols designed entirely for personal protection.
Use Disinformation For Personal Protection!
- Using Disinformation For Personal Protection - InfoBarrel
When it comes to personal protection, using disinformation can really clue you in to danger, and help you to avoid dangerous persons.
Anonymous Browsing Software For Windows.
The Tor Browser Bundle allows a windows or mac user to browse the web in such a way that even the stalkers down at your local or state or even national ISP will not be able to track your online activities. I've installed it, and intend on learning how to use it - I suggest it to anyone for any reason at all. Privacy is a right, and anyone that tells you otherwise is basically a fascist party to fear mongering, and antagonistic towards the rights of individuals in favor of the state, which has no rights.
Browse The Web Anonymously With The Tor Browser bundle
- Tor Browser Bundle-Tor Goes Portable | Linux Journal
I've never covered a subproject of something I've reviewed before, but I noticed this a few weeks ago when trawling the Tor site (I've no idea how I missed it until now). It seemed so important that I instantly gave it top billing for this month's co - https://www.torproject.org/projects/torbrowser.html.en
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"Tyler," A Stalker Situation That You Want to AVOID.
Try to avoid the Hybrid Moments-BE PROACTIVE!
CommentsLoading...
LOL! Dude-I might not be a smart man, but I know when modern primates try to set traps!!!!!!
This is good. Women really don't have to do anything to encourage us (at least us horn dogs) but I don't get that stalking shit! Peace!! Tom
Thanks Tom. I was hoping to relay that information. Of course some women just can't seem to NOT flirt and tease, but others are just stalker magnets for being nice.
I have bookmarked this for future reference. I didn't know I could block an IP address - thank you!
Important Hub of sensitive information - very well done and researched with vital links.
Thank you very, very much!
Thanks Todd, for the links and the information both of which are highly useful. Like GmaGoldie, I too am bookmarking.
Remember, God invented shotguns and shovels to use for disposal of men who stalk or beat women. . . . what I don't get is that often times women seem to run towards those kinds. . .*facepalm*
Frightening. :)
Lots of good information to protect all of us! Thanks Todd, EA
Moonster! yeah-it's amazing that super stud men like you and I are still living, what, with all those horny women out there!
E.A. Thank you!
pepper spray may not work on somebody who's jacked up on pcp.
http://tracemyip.org is another easy to use IP tracker and allows you to track multiple pages on one account.
No one - male or female - should take cyber stalking lightly. I upset a woman I crossed paths with and her retaliation was to post my home address and phone # on twitter. Things can escalate more quickly than people realize and every precaution should be taken to protect yourself. Most of it is just common sense - like not using full name, revealing too much about location and so on.
For those who can't carry or keep guns, there are a myriad of other weapons that can be (legally purchased) and used. Along with my pistol that stays here on my desk, there is also a double headed battle axe hanging within arms reach and even the site of that in my hand would be likely to give anyone reason to think twice about taking another step forward. Baseball bats, heavy flashlights, etc can be carried in your vehicle and of course, a key between your fingers is an excellent way to take out someone's eye. You can even make your own mace with a spray bottle and chile pepper to be carried in your purse or hand in the form of an innocent looking bottle of hairspray - but any form of spray would be my last personal choice because oh yeah, it's windy here more often than not.
Uncle-or lsd, or coke, or meth, or enough alcohol and rage-I probably ingested a case of pepper spray on the day four Kaufman County Sheriff's Deputies assaulted me.
Raven-I WANT A PICTURE OF YOU AND THAT BATTLE AX!!!!!!!!
HELL YEAH!
IRL, when going to college, this guy showed up twice at my school. The second time, I realized that this guy had to take off from work to stalk me.
I went into his face & told him I "going to kill you if you keep following me." He went away. 25 years later he calls my parents up to try to find me. I already told my Mom NEVER to give out info and just take a message. If I want to talk to them - I'll contact back.
Never had cyberstalking - On Facebook can unfriend a person. emails can be junk filtered so I don't understand cyberstalking.
No, with your attitude - I don't suspect that you would! Good job.
Whenever someone has problems with stalking, or is the one doing the stalking, I recommend "The Gift of Fear" by Gavin DeBecker. It is one of the best and most helpful books I have ever read. His newest one, "Fear Less", is shorter and does not give as much detail, but it is a faster read for those of you who prefer the Cliff Notes version.
Sometimes stalkers don't fully realize that they are acting in a predatory, harmful manner. Our society encourages it. "No" is supposed to mean "No", right? Not always. Some women like to say no, but sometimes they really mean maybe and like to banter back and forth with the possibility of a date. In that context, discounting the word no is acceptable and encouraged. In other contexts, discounting the word no is a huge red flag of predatory behavior. What is stalking? Sometimes hard to say.
Whether you are the stalker or the stalkee, maybe we shouldn't, as our first choice, seek out most force possible to stop the illegal and inappropriate behavior. If the situation isn't immediate or dire, maybe we should try to educate !ourselves! or others before opening up that can of whoop***.
But if the situation justifies it, you need to be ready to drop the hammer. You need to practice and truly know what it means and what it is like to grievously hurt someone. This Hub is an excellent start, but please don't stop here. Continue your education on this most important subject.
Hey Willie, I agree with you about the "no meaning maybe" scenario. I've seen that one before. Of course I don't think anyone is stalking me, and I know for sure that I don't understand women so well. I sort of give up trying, I'll not worry about that. Psychology is what I ought to study though, and this I know.
Good article! You don't even have to be "nice" to someone to have someone stalking you. Sometimes they just see you somewhere and decide they want to kill you for no particular reason. The wimpy stalking laws that are in place in some states in no way address this problem. (Stalkers you don't know.) Personally, I think there are way too many people on all kinds of drugs and I agree with the lady you mentioned in the article about the "entitlement minded." She's right, she just stated it differently. A stalker or a rapist is a person who feels somehow entitle to do something to you against your will. When you resist, he gets angry because he feels you owe him... so, the lady is right... sadly. It must be hard to understand if you haven't lived with the problem day in day out for a few decades.
Hey AngelaKaelin, thanks for your comment; the best advice here, I think, is to pack heat, and no how to use it really well. I'm not a violent sort, but I don't think that "crazy" should be taken lightly.
Having been a monster drug addict in the past, I don't really think that that is part of it, but it could be for some. I tend to think that drugs distract people from things; but I also know that they affect all sorts differently.
Wow. With some of the new restrictions on HP, I'm surprised this is still here, but you know what? This is damn good advice. Up and useful for sure!
heheheh. I'm sort of a boundary pusher! I did go through quite a purge though - and had to jiggle all sorts of content all day every day for a while, it seemed, - to make those folk happy (all for . . ..30 cents a day)
Least you're making something off it...lol I'm not even at the Google Adsense how do you wanna be paid threshold. But that's okay. Love it. You, a boundary pusher? Yeah, never would have guessed THAT from your profile. ;-)
Hey, I just checked - and I didn't make nothing yesterday, but I'm at 13 bucks this month, and I don't know when all of that happened, it was at about two bucks last time I checked in over there. Guess things aren't nearly as bad as I thought they were - still, I'd make that in a day at times pre pandaganda.
LMAO - Pre pandaganda - how funny! I'm pretty impressed that in my two months, I've racked up about $6.16, but that was almost all in March and April - nothing at all this month. :'-(
Woa, you've only been at HP two months? If so that's terrific earnings for new hubs. Generally, hubs have to "mature" a few months or six before the Google Traffic comes there way.
You don't say? I'm kinda feeling a little proud of myself now, in that case! And I'm sorry, it's been three months.
You should, and if you like this site - then you ought to join Info Barrel too. Info Barrel is. . .very similar, but a smaller community. They don't let you publish automatically like they do here - and I think that that will, in time, make it a more favorable site for search engines to find than HP is.
Now, having said all that - I have to say that I've been mostly neglecting Info Barrel in favor of Hubpages - just because I like the crowd, and the format better here.
If you're interested in that site, or looking at it - you can do all of that from my profile page, that's about all of the "selling" I'm going to do. . .but just a few minutes ago I decided to start another IB article, cause I feel bad about not contributing so much there.
I've got so many sites with adsense that I forget about some of them sometimes - my problem is me, I write whatever I want to write, and still expect to make money!
That's my issue, I think. I don't worry about SEO or keyword optimization. I write about pretty much what I want when I want. You'll see that if you get a chance to take a look at some of my hubs. Not that I would sell or shamelessly self promote - because that's wrong. ;-) I will take a look at Info Barrel though.
I never research keywords, SEO is useful though, little things, like putting a caption with a keyword over your pictures or videos on the hubs helps out a lot.
Oh now self promotion is so wrong! hahaha. You totally have to promote yourself in article marketing - not that I make much but I still spend huge amounts of time doing it.
Info Barrel doesn't give nearly so good a referral commission as does Hubpages. . .so somehow I have more IB referrals than anything else.
Oh I'll head your way. I saw the title of one that sort of cracked me up.
Which title made you laugh? I try really hard to do catchy titles.
"How To Tell If Your Landlord is a Moron!"
heheheh. I've had some seriously weird landlords before. Luckily I live on my parents property nowadays. My landlord can be pretty damn mean - but that's why he's next door, and I'm over here!
HAHA!! I thought that title was pretty good myself. If your landlord is mean, talk to your mom. ;-) She might be able to soften him up a bit. But, as long as you can fix your own windows, plumbing, and electrical issues, it shouldn't be too much of a problem!
I'm an air conditioning mechanic, actually! I'm just not trying to work these days - I do jobs for a partially retired guy, and write about air conditioning more than I work on it these days.
But this is Tejas. In Michigan. . . .if you actually even have air conditioning. . .it's prolly not a life and death matter when it goes out, or doesn't work so well.
I've been to most places in the U.S., but I've not been to Michigan.
Well, I'm in Chicago now...and we have such crazy ass weather in the midwest. Yesterday, it was 45 degrees and we had 30mph winds with crazy thunderstorms. Today it was 85 and sunny with just a light breeze. So, we definitely need our air conditioning too! Especially in the summer. Last summer, we had two straight months of 80+ degree temps with humidity in the 90's. Nuts, I tell you!
Now Chicago I've been to - and it was cold in the late Summer when I was there. Of course I just passed through, but I've been there.
Oh dear! You poor poor Chicago people! hahaha Last Summer I read 121 outside during work, and then I went into the attic with a torch to work some more :=D
I always tell folks - if there is the possibility of 100+ degree temps, you can be assured that I'll stay where I'm at. Won't do Arizona, Texas. HELL NO!
Thanks wessman nice hub, though i havenot been yet stalked on net because i dont do chat with unknown person much and on first sign of harasment, i delete him. I dont meet online friends or even share my phone number.
Well, I hope that you aren't afraid to meet anyone you met online. For me it's gotten to where I talk to online folks more than I do the people that I know here around home - so I'd really enjoy meeting lots of my longtime online friends. But it sounds like you've got good common sense! :-D
You know, I met my husband online via a Craigslist post. We met in person six days after he sent the first email, and the rest is history! Never be afraid, just be cautious is my advice. Always make sure friends and family have your back and have at it. Our online world is so small these days and sometimes if you close yourself off from online friends, you do a great disservice to you and the online friend! :-) Hi there, Wes...good to see you hon.
I've been stalked a few times and all in very different ways. Like you say some don't need much encouragement.
If you can't get them to leave you alone with nice talk you should go to the police, you'd be surprised how much they can do these days.
What's really scary is when they send you a personal message telling you they know where you live, have been by your house several times and describe it in detail. Could be Google Maps but I take no chances.
I think all women should own a personal firearm. I do mean a pistol - but a shotgun is the best for home defense.
I'd just calmly mail such a person back telling them you're very ready for any stalkers, and that the police have already been notified.
I bitch and complain a ton about police spying on citizens - but there is an upside to most downsides, and I think you're already hip to that scenario!
So true what you say here and I agree Proactive is the way to be. I have dealt with a stalker or two in my life, the scariest thing is they are totally crazy and feel justified imposing themselves on you and at heart they are cowards so they can become very covert in their methods - the aim is to catch you off-guard. Great article!
Thanks very much!
I don't think anything pisses me off more than when one of my online female pals is scared of some moron who can't seem to take "no" for an answer.
Modern Primate 18 months ago
"I don't deserve to have webcam hookers constantly sending me friend requests and soliciting me to see their "private pictures" ..."
I don't get any of this, which leads me to two questions:
1. What are you doing that I'm not and
2. What does that say about you and what you actually do deserve?