A Man Needs A Machete.
81Machetes - Tools With Many Uses.
Listen, a man needs a machete, and any woman would do well to have one too. Oh, I suppose that if you don't care for a lawn or any sort of property then you don't need one at all. I'm not talking to you apartment and condominium dwellers here - I'm talking to my people, the folks who live in the sticks, and do things themselves.
Oh sure, the thing looks like a weapon. It's not a weapon, it's a tool. If you enjoy the outdoors, fishing, hunting, or even gardening and keeping an acre or two of a homestead in certain terrains in order and well presentable, then you just need one of these things. I know precisely because I don't have one.
Running along the driveway here at the W.T. Shaw place where I live there are trees that totally obscure the road, and there are all manner of vines with stickers all over them, and the occasional copperhead pit viper in there. Guess who the person most often thought to be responsible for clearing that stuff up is? It's me, and I've got no machete to do it with. I've got ancient garden hoes that belonged to the parent's mothers and fathers, and good heavens, you can't use those things for work because if you break one, then you've gone and torn up the dad's mother's garden hoe, a freaking family heirloom.
A man needs a machete, and who the hell ever thought that a garden hoe could do the job that a machete was meant to do? People who are interested in seeing you work hard instead of smart - for no reason, that's who.
Cold Steel Two Handed Panga Machete Sheath
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28" TANTO NINJA SHARP FULL TANG L W/ POUCH JAPANESE KANJI MACHETE SWORD
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Gerber Gator Jr Machete Saw Survival Knife New
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28" TANTO NINJA SHARP FULL TANG L W/ SHEATH JAPANESE MACHETE SWORD
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Yeah, I want a Badass Machete.
But let's all be honest here, a machete looks a bit like a sword, because that's what it is. We all want to be Genghis Khan somewhere in the back of our heads, so why not get a really good machete, right? No we don't wish to cut people up like the Mongol hordes running through some mess of Tartars, we just want to have something to clear the brush out of our way while heading towards the preferred fishing hole.
I do think, however, that should we actually have thoughts of cutting folks to bits with swords, that it can be rather therapeutic to instead take a machete to the large and very sticker having, arm and leg scrapping vines that one encounters growing along one's driveway, or blocking one's path to the fishing hole.
...just sayin'!
Snakes, they need a machete too sometimes, especially when they're slithering along the driveway, and happen to be venomous pit vipers. If I ever happen to see a rattlesnake around here, then that will certainly need a machete - I hear they make for good eating, not that I'd begin to know how to clean one, but I'd definitely find a headless rattlesnake more appealing than one with eyes on the other end of the same body that has the tail.
There's sometimes children around here, and they sometimes aren't paying so much attention to things as they should be. Yes there are some lovely greater roadrunners that live in the front yard here, and yes they eat snakes, but no, they're not being paid enough for that to maximize their efficiency. A man needs a machete, and you all well know this is true.
Big Green Sticker Vines - A Man Needs A Machete For This Stuff!
Global Economic Collapse? Bankruptcy and Moving To A Tent City? Zombie Apocalypse? A Man NEEDS A Machete.
Let's just go ahead and nix all of that I said earlier about persons living in apartments or condominiums. All you good people need machetes too. I'm told that it's a mathematic certainty that there will be a global economic meltdown, and if so, or if you just happen to have to move to a tent city before then, then you need a machete. Heck, you might not be a tent city slicker, you might be more of a lone ranging off grid ranger, and you well know that a man needs a machete.
Zombie apocalypse? Well, you need a gun for that, and preferably a fully automatic defence rifle, but a machete will be nice to have too. A man just needs a machete for a thousand reasons and in hundreds of ways. Sometimes late at night while a man sleeps he faces booger bears and all manner of monster, and a sleeping man needs a machete too.
A Totally Standard Machete.
Cold Steel Two Handed Panga Machete!
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ThePracticalMommy - Thanks!
Oh I'd not heard the machete attack story. Of course the title is that a MAN needs a machete, I doubt teens would ever need one unless they're being assigned to clearing out some brush somewhere.
Anything could make a murder weapon, one long sock and a full bar of soap....and you could kill someone with that without too much trouble....but you couldn't clear the route to the fishing hole with a sock and a bar of soap!
"I do think, however, that should we actually have thoughts of cutting folks to bits with swords, that it can be rather therapeutic to instead take a machete"
A mental murder a day keeps the psychiatrist away..
I have a hatchet.. :)
HECK YEAH!!!!!!!!!!! THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT!!!!!
I'm not so sure you should have a machete too close at hand...at least not when your ire is up and certain corporations set your teeth on edge. But I suppose it might be good for you to go out into the wilderness and sling one around to work off some steam...and you'll be getting something positive accomplished too! As for those antique tools...I'm fully in agreement with the parents. I'm a collector of antiques. I flip out when something has made it through a century or more only to meet its demise at the hands of someone who isn't awed by its importance. Yeah, on second thought, you DO need a machete. Stay away from the antiques! :) I think you're a funny guy. voted up and funny
Terri Meredith - you got that right!!!! I'd like to cyber mutilate some hp profiles that I encounter in the forums!!!!
Luckily for my computer....my cognitive dissonance is at a minimum these days!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Hey Wes -- I can't imagine a woman without a machete if she lives in the country -- first of all for the vines, stickers, etc. you talk about, getting animals out of fences quickly (a machete will cut through wire) and numerous other things including snakes. I always thought one was a tool like anything else -- but in all truth, if you own one you are armed, too! LOL! Best/Sis
Heck yeah!!!! I know that's right on all accounts!
I'm going to get me one of those machetes off of amazon.com - just you wait and see! I'll have a picture of it on this un' here soon as I get one!
LOL!
Probably I'm going fishing tomorrow...and I'll be needing the darn thing that I don't have then!
The word alone commands authority:
*imitates the hyena saying, 'Mufasa' from The Lion King*
"Machete"
Heck YES Willie!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I know a man needs one...and I ain't got one.
I will be getting me one though!
Typhoid Mary has been a long term resident in our home. That's what the old man has named his machete and he loves her. I too have found occasion to sing her praises. She makes short work of sticker bushes, huge spider webs between trees, poisonous itchy type vines, and anything else that get between us and the bayou. Go get you a machete, Todd! You're right, everyone needs one.
Oh I so needed a machete yesterday. I went fishing, and carrying a net and a fishing pole through the prairie jungle of sticker vines here....is maddening. I mean, I got hung up on every last thing for about a quarter mile.
...so I'm going to a different fishing hole today, where a man with a machete (bunches of em') have cleared paths for ages!
What? You don't already have a machete, Wesman? For shame, every outdoorsman should have at least one of these handy tools! I have several which I use quite often as I need it while working on some of our cattle fences which snake through the thick swamps and woodlands.
Here in this sub-tropical climate thick, thorn covered vines--just like those pictured on this hub--tend to grow almost overnight into and around our fences and require a machete to remove them so they may be repaired.
And as a survival tool, a machete is an all-around good choice for those seriously into woods craft. Get 2 of 'em, Wesman! LOL!
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RANDY!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I want that two hand cold steel Panga machete pictured up there! Heck, I'll chop vines to bits and think I'm lost in middle Earth or something!!!
Oh man, I so needed a machete yesterday carrying rod and reels and a big net through a thicket...holy smoke, I got caught on every last thing imaginable, and then when I got one thing free, the other thing got caught.
It was a mess!
Today I cleaned up though...stuck to more used fishing holes at King's Creek...and just cleaned UP on the sand bass, and one nice crappie!
Cool on the good luck you had fishin', Wesman! Fortunately for me, I can simply drive to one of my 5 fishing ponds and park on the dam! LOL! We don't have any sand bass here, as far as I know, but we do have some 10+ lb largemouth bass to toy around with.
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Well I'd love to give that a go!!!
Yesterday I caught three channel catfish that I kept, and today my friend and I between us caught seventeen of those sand bass, and the one crappie, and we split down on that in the middle.
I just loved it - wished I caught more crappie though, as there seemed to be a school...they tend to nibble and flirt with the casting bait...but the bass hit stuff HARD, you always know when you have one of them.
I love crappie fishing too, but we mostly troll around with two boats tied together with the lead boat using an elec. trolling motor to pull the other boat. Then everyone in both boats throw out a beetle spin to troll behind the boat.
It's a load of fun, as almost everyone will catch a fish when we go through a school of crappie. We often do this late of an afternoon and then have a fish fry and bonfire on the banks of the pond accompanied by a little guitar picking, as well as, a beer or 12!
Alternatively, we use live minnows and light tackle, and once again beer. Either way, it's great fun.
SSSSS
Dude, that sounds AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm just fishing in King's Creek here...which feeds either into or out of Cedar Creek Lake - it's too small for boats...You can get a John boat in there...maybe, but only after a good rain.
It's often blocked off in places by felled trees and debris that either accumulated or critters used to build a nest or something.
Pickers...I don't know any local, but in town at the BBQ place on the town square they're trying to start a once a month Saturday Night jam thing, and I've just got to go and flesh that out to see if I need to start meeting up with those folks. I really ought to do that even if they're not into stuff that I know, or otherwise "struggling." I need some inspiration to get me back into that the way that I have been in the past!
I know what you mean! I've been neglecting my guitars and I haven't picked up my banjo in over a year...not good for a bluegrass banjo picker! lol!
Randy, if I could play the fiddle....I'd not touch those other stringed instruments at all!!!
I'm going to get me a mandolin sooner or later - simply because the technique would be familiar enough, and I've got lots of music ...arrangements for mandolin already!
In other words - I could learn to pass as a mandolin player without too much trouble! I'm forever playing this damn keyboard here these days the most!
Hahah...I laughed at your title because I raised three sons and also have three grandsons. They all seemed to have known from a VERY young age that a Man Needs a Machete! There's something about a machete that just seemed to attract all the men in my family! But you do present some very good reasons! Enjoyed your article a LOT!
Thanks VERY much Stephanie Henkel!!!!!!!!!!!
I feel like the young men in your family have been blessed by the machetes in their lives!!!
I think me needing a machete is just holding me back!!!!
Your drive and yard sound exactly like mine (no bad snakes here though)! And guess what I did last summer while clearing vines and brambles. Yup, I left mom's dad's aunt's garden hoe out in the weeds all winter and it rusted. You know how the story goes from here. I ruined the blasted thing thats been in the family for generations yadda yadda yadda. I never thought about getting a machete before but omg - Im on a mission now. Machete here I come!
Ardie - that's the story of my life: I ruined everything. I've only ever done anything right on the internet, but the things I've done right on the internet are making me about enough money to....pay the internet bill, and buy a bag of chips each month.
HAHAH that's about all I do right too :) Seriously though - do we really need anything other than Internet and chips?!
BEER!!! Gotta have BEER, oh, and a machete!
Hey, Wesman,
I have a genuine Puerto Rican machete that I keep under my bed, in a spot where I can get my hands on it real fast, if I have to.
Also, when I was in Vietnam, each rifle platoon had at least two machetes -- standard issue. We needed them to chop our way through the thick jungle foliage.
HECK YEAH FEENIX!!!!!!!
I've got shotguns and a Bowie knife right next to me, I've got a WWII Japanese officer's bayonet that my grandfather took from a dead body on Guam during the big war - and he made a hilt for the thing......BUT I'VE NO MACHETE!
I've been doing a TON of bass fishing the past few weeks, and I've don nothing but SUFFER for my lack of a machete!
Next time I get some amazon.com money in, I'm buying a dang machete!
ThePracticalMommy Level 6 Commenter 3 months ago
Very interesting hub! I was intrigued by the title. Machetes have been in the news around here lately due to the fact that a teenager was attacked by one in broad daylight by another teen. Crazy right? There's no reason that the child or any adult in our city should need one (although I do admit, should zombies arise or tent cities become popular, they might be handy...).
In a practical manner, machetes would be useful. I could see my husband using one in his landscaping business to clear brush, weeds, etc.
Voted up and useful!